Dear myself as a 1970s teenage boy, I am writing you this letter to let you know some things about life and how to go forward and enjoy yourself. I am soon to become a fifty year old (yes, old enough to be your dad - and no baldy quips from you sonny) and I thought you wouldn't mind some wise words from the future. The catch is you will have to invent the internet and possibly a time travel machine. But then time travel always was of interest to you so that shouldn't be to much trouble Figgy.
So, as you sit there glued to Starksy and Hutch and The Champions think about these amazing things that are happening in 2006 that you may be able to relate to.
1. A lot of your curly hair fell out over the years but you still have those boyish good looks.
2. You are a lot more confident at 49 and yes you even talk to girls and women.
3. You finished with the Scouts many years ago but still have fond memories of those days.
4. Your heroes Leo Sayer, Elton John, Queen (most of 'em), Kate Bush and David Essex are still around and are much better than some of the cr*p that passes for music these days. There is some good stuff out there that has its origins in progressive rock and electronic music.
4. Long playing records (LPs) are much smaller these days and are called CDs and are silver coloured and you don't have to buy replacement needles any more and the old ones make good bird scarers in the garden.
4. £10 is no longer a weekly wage and we in the UK are still using a decimal currency and very few people equate it to 'old money'. as in "How much is that in old money?"
5. You have come a long way photographically since that cheap camera you once had with slot in films and cameras don't need film these days.
6. You still like to ride a bike but your body is a bit creaky these days.
6A.You get out of the butchery trade in your late thrities and go to University!
7. You never do go out with Adele Wallace from school but she does send you a 'I remember you' note on something called 'Friends Reunited' many years later. You are chuffed.
8. Keep up with the Am Dram as you become very good indeed and you are still practising it in 2006 and you get to play a lot of the parts you dreamed of playing and you even get to be on the telly for a while. Not in Starksy and Hutch however.
9. You may not believe it now but get it into your young 'Kung Fu obsessed' curly haired head that you are actually a very likeable young man and do yourself a few favours and start to believe it asap. PS: The constant vocal references to shrieking women in the Monty Python sketches can be a bit wearing after a while. Cool it Figgy and you might just attract a few girlfriends a bit quicker.
10. Just take my advice and my best wishes and think the best of everyone, don't be too judgemental and keep your great sense of humour and you will turn out ok.
11. W*nking is still a popular pastime in 2006.
I send this wisdom through the sky in fraction of a second to a screen near you. Don't believe it? just you wait and see. Manly hugs and love from your Back to the Future friend: the much older and wiser Phil (Figgy)Lowe.
